People in love make me want to vomit
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
