she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
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