Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
