Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
