So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
