I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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