I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
