i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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