This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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