Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
this is an emotional support booty call
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize