My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The power of my boobs compel you
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize