Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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