So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
whose parrot is this?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
