My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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