i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
