It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
