ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
