I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
