I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
