I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
