dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
