I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
