So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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