Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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