Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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