walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
