i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
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