At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
