see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
