They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
