It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
