if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
