My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
