So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
