No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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