I think i sorta joined a cult last night
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
