I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
