I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
