good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I think my fart just growled at me.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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