I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
