My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
