Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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