bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
