On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
