dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
