What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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