i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
