Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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