so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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