When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My penis needs a shock collar
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My dick has a subreddit
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize