I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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