I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize