I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize