Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
