the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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