farters have to be the big spoon...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
