Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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