You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
