So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The power of my boobs compel you
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
