New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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