so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
