I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
