I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
