I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
