having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
