hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
