Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
