She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
