We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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