I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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