Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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