we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
