I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
apparently the secret to your success is patron
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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