Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
