Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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