Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
