capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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