i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Green mimosas i think yes
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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