I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
