I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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