i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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