i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
