Why are handjobs necessary in class?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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