Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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