i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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